i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
