Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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