u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i was born a porn star she said
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
