Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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