herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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