if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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