I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
