Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
