omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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