I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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