dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Randomize
