she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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