I could have mohawked her pubes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
