HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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