I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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