He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
