She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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