also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the day after is always just damage control
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
