that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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