How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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