I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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