Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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