Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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