mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
