i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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