It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
