Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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