Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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