Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
