Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
