I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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