Got a toothbrush?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
