shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
