i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
