i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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