is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
