i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
