What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
