I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
