bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
