The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
