I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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