I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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