I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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