I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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