Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
