We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
