I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize