if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
