so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So squirting runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize