.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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