My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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