he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
