just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
