you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize