I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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