Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
