So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
